Love that Late Night

"Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent. You know what President Bush is giving up for Lent? Our ports." --Jay Leno

After Afghanistan, President Bush flew to India, where he was greeted by 10,000 angry protestors. As a result, most Americans spent all day on hold with computer problems." --Conan O'Brien

"He was only in Afghanistan for four hours. That may not sound like much, but it's more time than he spent in the Texas National Guard." --Jay Leno

"The news from Iraq is apparently so bad that today Bush asked Cheney to go hunting again." --Bill Maher

"Bush is in command. When he heard that sectarian militias had killed Iraqis, he called for an immediate invasion of Sectaria." --Bill Maher

"They have the big parade down in New Orleans and this year FEMA has a float, but it's not expected 'til labor day." --David Letterman

"President Bush is now saying that he was not aware that we signed a deal to give these Arabs countries control of our eastern seaports. In fact, today President Bush began tapping his own phone so he can find out what's going on in the White House." --Jay Leno

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. ... Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"President Bush commented today on Hurricane Katrina, so apparently he just found out about that too." --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is currently vacationing in Wyoming this week. I understand today he shot an elk. He also shot two Shriners, a Jaycee and a Moose." --Jay Leno

"Who better to manage a seaport than people who live in the desert?" --Jay Leno

"Having an Arab company keep an eye on your ports is like asking Courtney Love to keep an eye on your medicine cabinet. ... That's like telling Kirstie Alley to keep an eye on the buffet." --David Letterman