WHERE’S MICHAEL? GQ wants to know!

WHERE’S MICHAEL?
Shortly after his acquittal, Michael Jackson left Neverland and headed to Bahrain. Devin Friedman went in search of the deposed King of Pop

The obsessed know that Michael Jackson has been living in the tiny nation of Bahrain for almost a year. Possibly as a cross-dresser, a drug addict, a Muslim, or at least a still weird human being. After his acquittal last June, he vacated Neverland, flew east, and disappeared into the desert, presumably to escape an entire nation that no longer loved him.

In the intervening year, those who had been searching for it will have found some coverage of Michael Jackson’s life in the Middle East. Sunday Mirror, September 18, 2005: Seen cruising Bahrain in a red Ferrari he had shipped from America. New York Post, November 14, 2005: Went shopping for toys. Daily News, November 15, 2005: Spotted in the women’s bathroom at a mall while visiting Dubai, wearing women’s clothing and applying makeup. (After which Michael Jackson’s spokeswoman in Washington, D.C., issued a statement in response, which was picked up by the Associated Press: It was all a mistake! Wrong door!)

Some of the news coverage has been sensationalistic: One plotline has it that Michael Jackson is taking forty Xanaxes a day, delivered via secret flights from California. Which is somehow tied to some underpants that investigators had found at Neverland that tested positive for trace amounts of cocaine but were never introduced at the trial because, you know, anyone could have been handling those underpants (unclear how it all links up, but underpants and cocaine: a bad combination for Mr. Sleepover). And the Jackson family, having caught wind of this addiction, was supposedly set to stage an intervention in which they’d fly to Bahrain and get him the help he needs, thereby preserving the life to which he is now hanging on to by a thread.
EXCLUSIVE GQ.COM INTERVIEW

The Decider

I LOVE this piece, although I can't take credit. I ripped it off from Roddy McCorley's diary on Daily Kos today:

I'm the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.

And as I decide
Each particular day
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.

I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that we have it,
I'm not looking back.

I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes
That aren't really healthy.

And parklands and wetlands
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!

I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And the more that they test.

I decided those wages
You need to get by
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.

I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.

I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They can come unimpeded.

That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided
As"just goddam paper"
It should be derided.

I've decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It's the one to be feared.

And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I'm the Decider -
They tell me it's so.

I'm the Decider
So watch what you say
Or I may decide
To have you whisked away.

Or I'll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I'll read.
`cause I'm the Decider -
Like Jesus decreed.

Yes, I'm the Decider
The finest alive
And I'm nuking Iran.
Now watch this drive!

A TOY Felony??

Awwwww...Say it ain't so! A South Carolina state lawmaker wants to ban the sale of sex toys. WTF, mate?

Republican ( I coulda guessed that!) Representative Ralph Davenport of Boiling Springs proposed the bill that would add sex toys to the state's obscenity laws. Davenport's bill would make it a felony to sell devices used primarily for sexual stimulation. The proposal also would allow law enforcement to seize sex toys as contraband.

Can't you just see it?? SWAT teams in jackboots storming your bedroom and seizing "Buzz" and "BOB"....an underground toy store with a Prohibition type sliding peephole and secret passwords?? What a visual! Maybe it's just me, but I sorta thought that what happens in my bedroom (and yours) is between us and Duracell.

Davenport wouldn't talk to The Associated Press Friday about his bill, for some strange reason. Davenport's home county of Spartanburg has been aggressive in recent months in pursuing charges against owners of adult-oriented businesses. Police there say that they are uncertain how Davenport's proposal would help their investigations.

Can you say,"Idiot"? I knew you could....

I've Learned...